
	Item 1 Anchor Papers

HSA 2007 English Item 1

CID: CIDb77e05c3e5113394dd00e76bd43af5b9
itemNum: 1
initialLetter
itemType: ECR
itemAnswerKey: N/A
itemMaxScorePoints: 4
origNum: x

For Number 1, read the prompt below. Follow the directions in the prompt for writing your essay.

Read the prompt below. Follow the directions in the prompt for writing your essay.

Write a well-organized essay that describes a childhood experience you would like to share with a young person. Develop your ideas by describing the experience you would like to share and by explaining why you would like to share it. Be sure that your essay is fully developed, that it is logically organized, and that your choice of words clearly expresses your thoughts.

Use the space on page ___ in your Answer Book for planning your response. Then write your essay on the lines on pages ___ and ___.

Score Level 1 Anchor Paper
This writer provides minimal support (in my head; 1^st grade; mall) about a time when he/she ran into a mirror and had to have stitches. The response is too brief to demonstrate an organizational structure.
Score Level 1 Anchor Paper
While this response shows evidence of an attempt to address the prompt, it primarily consists of vague generalities (teach you what to do; different things to do; a lot of fun doing it) and words/phrases re-stated from the prompt (the experience I would like to share; I would like to share this experience). Minimal support is given to elaborate the experience mentioned (how to make ppaJ sandwhich).
Score Level 2 Anchor Paper
This oversimplified response contains incomplete support and elaboration about attending a baseball game with a grandparent. While some general details are supplied about the experience (the game took place at Camden yards…We spent most of our time talking to each other rather than watching the game. We laughed and when it began to rain we didn't even notice), none of the experiences are developed with support and/or elaboration. The chronological presentation and the use of transitional devices (when it began to rain; after that game) demonstrate an attempt at an organizational structure.
Score Level 2 Anchor Paper
This organized, but oversimplified, essay describes an amusement park trip. The support and elaboration are incomplete, consisting primarily of generalities (a lot of fun; people who wants entertainment; familys can bond) and minimally extended ideas (you can play to win prizes…like stuffed animals, video games, fish, or toys; a lot of great food; If you never tried funul cakes you should try one theyre great).
Score Level 2 Anchor Paper
Though organized, by the use of a formulaic five-paragraph structure, this response contains incomplete support and elaboration. Because the student needs to pause and elaborate (I remember when I was playing paintball, I almost shot my own foot; I kept falling, but I developed balance; these sports cost a little bit, but when you get into them price won't matter), little awareness of the audience's understanding is demonstrated. The paragraph about the sponsors, however, does contain some extended, but list-like, development.
Score Level 3 Anchor Paper
The writer of this response uses clear word choice (ignored; heaved; rushing) and specific detail (a huge rock, about six or seven inches long; the rock came falling down quicker than he could move and it caught him right on the edge of his forehead) to provide adequate support and elaboration for a cautionary tale about tossing rocks into the air. The response is organized chronologically and demonstrates appropriate use of transitional devices. In order to receive a higher score, this writer needs to pause and elaborate on the events within the rock throwing incident.
Score Level 3 Anchor Paper
This writer employs a five-paragraph organizational strategy to explain the experience of the first day of school. Some support and elaboration are given for each of the main ideas: teachers, classmates, new school; and the writer's word choice is clear. However, the support and elaboration are merely adequate and do not reach the relevant and complete level that is needed for a higher score.
Score Level 3 Anchor Paper
Adequate support and elaboration about a time when the writer fell into a "sting-a-ray" tank are provided for this complete and organized response. The essay contains some specific details (big tank of sting-a-rays in the center of the building; I am very short; can't see over the tall railing; the security called someone and the scuba diver came in), and the word choice is clear. More purposeful word choice and specific, relevant details would strengthen this response.
Score Level 4 Anchor Paper
This fluent, well-developed response uses purposeful word choice (vast crater; prowl; adjacent; powerless) and thoughtfully chosen, specific details (the small town of Kejenge; a low rumbling roar; a zebra ran past at the break of day) to provide complete support and elaboration. The essay is organized chronologically around the story of the marauding lion. Although the ending is somewhat abrupt, the writer's use of language, combined with a keen awareness of audience, vividly recreates this experience.
Score Level 4 Anchor Paper
In this organized, insightful, and thoroughly developed response, the writer provides complete support and elaboration through purposeful word choice (whispered conference; pleading; our horrible game) and thoughtful selection of relevant, specific details (bit of a Tom boy; scrambling through bushes, and sprinting down sidewalks; it gave us attention; it made us seem better than him). Also, the essay's effective organizational structure equally balances the description of the writer's treatment of Paul and the reason for sharing the experience. (As a child, you first learn how to compete, in board games, sports, or getting a better present than your little brother. It is hard not to use the advantages you were born with to win over others in a way that makes them feel bad.)

Anchor Papers ~ English ~ Item 1

HSA 2007 English Item 1

CID: CIDb77e05c3e5113394dd00e76bd43af5b9
itemNum: 1
initialLetter
itemType: ECR
itemAnswerKey: N/A
itemMaxScorePoints: 4
origNum: x

For Number 1, read the prompt below. Follow the directions in the prompt for writing your essay.

Read the prompt below. Follow the directions in the prompt for writing your essay.

Write a well-organized essay that describes a childhood experience you would like to share with a young person. Develop your ideas by describing the experience you would like to share and by explaining why you would like to share it. Be sure that your essay is fully developed, that it is logically organized, and that your choice of words clearly expresses your thoughts.

Use the space on page ___ in your Answer Book for planning your response. Then write your essay on the lines on pages ___ and ___.

Score Level 1 Anchor Paper
This writer provides minimal support (in my head; 1^st grade; mall) about a time when he/she ran into a mirror and had to have stitches. The response is too brief to demonstrate an organizational structure.

Score Level 1 Anchor Paper

While this response shows evidence of an attempt to address the prompt, it primarily consists of vague generalities (teach you what to do; different things to do; a lot of fun doing it) and words/phrases re-stated from the prompt (the experience I would like to share; I would like to share this experience). Minimal support is given to elaborate the experience mentioned (how to make ppaJ sandwhich).

Score Level 2 Anchor Paper

This oversimplified response contains incomplete support and elaboration about attending a baseball game with a grandparent. While some general details are supplied about the experience (the game took place at Camden yards…We spent most of our time talking to each other rather than watching the game. We laughed and when it began to rain we didn't even notice), none of the experiences are developed with support and/or elaboration. The chronological presentation and the use of transitional devices (when it began to rain; after that game) demonstrate an attempt at an organizational structure.

Score Level 2 Anchor Paper

This organized, but oversimplified, essay describes an amusement park trip. The support and elaboration are incomplete, consisting primarily of generalities (a lot of fun; people who wants entertainment; familys can bond) and minimally extended ideas (you can play to win prizes…like stuffed animals, video games, fish, or toys; a lot of great food; If you never tried funul cakes you should try one theyre great).

Score Level 2 Anchor Paper

Though organized, by the use of a formulaic five-paragraph structure, this response contains incomplete support and elaboration. Because the student needs to pause and elaborate (I remember when I was playing paintball, I almost shot my own foot; I kept falling, but I developed balance; these sports cost a little bit, but when you get into them price won't matter), little awareness of the audience's understanding is demonstrated. The paragraph about the sponsors, however, does contain some extended, but list-like, development.

Score Level 3 Anchor Paper

The writer of this response uses clear word choice (ignored; heaved; rushing) and specific detail (a huge rock, about six or seven inches long; the rock came falling down quicker than he could move and it caught him right on the edge of his forehead) to provide adequate support and elaboration for a cautionary tale about tossing rocks into the air. The response is organized chronologically and demonstrates appropriate use of transitional devices. In order to receive a higher score, this writer needs to pause and elaborate on the events within the rock throwing incident.

Score Level 3 Anchor Paper
This writer employs a five-paragraph organizational strategy to explain the experience of the first day of school. Some support and elaboration are given for each of the main ideas: teachers, classmates, new school; and the writer's word choice is clear. However, the support and elaboration are merely adequate and do not reach the relevant and complete level that is needed for a higher score.

Score Level 3 Anchor Paper

Adequate support and elaboration about a time when the writer fell into a "sting-a-ray" tank are provided for this complete and organized response. The essay contains some specific details (big tank of sting-a-rays in the center of the building; I am very short; can't see over the tall railing; the security called someone and the scuba diver came in), and the word choice is clear. More purposeful word choice and specific, relevant details would strengthen this response.

Score Level 4 Anchor Paper

This fluent, well-developed response uses purposeful word choice (vast crater; prowl; adjacent; powerless) and thoughtfully chosen, specific details (the small town of Kejenge; a low rumbling roar; a zebra ran past at the break of day) to provide complete support and elaboration. The essay is organized chronologically around the story of the marauding lion. Although the ending is somewhat abrupt, the writer's use of language, combined with a keen awareness of audience, vividly recreates this experience.

Score Level 4 Anchor Paper

In this organized, insightful, and thoroughly developed response, the writer provides complete support and elaboration through purposeful word choice (whispered conference; pleading; our horrible game) and thoughtful selection of relevant, specific details (bit of a Tom boy; scrambling through bushes, and sprinting down sidewalks; it gave us attention; it made us seem better than him). Also, the essay's effective organizational structure equally balances the description of the writer's treatment of Paul and the reason for sharing the experience. (As a child, you first learn how to compete, in board games, sports, or getting a better present than your little brother. It is hard not to use the advantages you were born with to win over others in a way that makes them feel bad.)